at the end of the day, all you have left is your principles and ideals. it's what has made you who you are.and over experiences, if you choose to let go of them,who do you have left with you?...no one. at least you can say you stood by something all along with pride. so, you choose to soldier on. man, i'm getting pretty good at this. not blogging, no, you idiots.i'm just tired of doing all the right things.wish my heart worked faster than my brain. i am never going to forget this month. for so many reasons. it's the " let go" month. and tomorrow is going to be the last United match i see at hostel. and then i know what i am going to do.i am going to be drunk. alcohol and weed.yeah.i will be stronger then on.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
IF YOU HAVE A DREAM, YOU GOTTA PROTECT IT.
What is the difference between ambition and dream ?....it's a question that has baffled me sometimes.i guess when you dream, you don't have to consider things, you just let your mind gallop and see where it reaches....and ambition, i guess maybe is a more serious, logical counterpart. i don't know, maybe.
Anyway, i'm bloggin again...atleast for a while. the last few days of anything where you have experienced constancy over a period of time makes you introspect.and i am no different.college life will be over in a little over a fortnight.it has been good, hectic at times,i don't really know how to put it.i guess college life has just been college life -- would be a good way to put it.i will write a post dedicated to my friends and so on once i am over with college so i'm not really going to cry here on how much i'm going to miss each one.nothing humans don't get used to.still, i believe i will cry pretty bad when i leave 225- my room at hostel and i won't be ashamed of it.lets get back to where i started.i remember my first post where i mentioned how i wanted to be a footballer and stuff.i stick to it.when i was in class 8 or 9 i pretty much realised that my dream of being a top notch sportsman would remain unfulfilled.in a small town such as asansol where there were absolutely no facilities or attitude to nurture this dream of mine,maybe i was a kid a tad bit too long.i had lots going on then already.those who know me well would know it.i am pretty used to dealing with things on my own,infact i'm pretty good at it.so i remember that fateful afternoon.i had to do the thinking part.i was going nowhere.i had screwed up my exams pretty bad.the semi annuals.and i wasn't going to become a sportsman either. haha . does sound funny right? well,i'll bet my ass it wasn't.i wasn't really good at anything else.so i sat down to think.i had two options.plain and simple.either play or start studying and forget that you were ever good at any sport.i chose the second.for a few days. as days wen't by i realised maybe i just loved the sport more than i wanted to be this ' Oliver Kahn ' of India. i made my decision.people living in towns, they quickly adapt,its an inborne quality.i realised i just had to play, not at the expense of studies,this time.so, i chose to soldier on,playing, as the opportunities presented itself,while focussing on my studies as much as i could.
Not a lot of people would say i did decent with my high school education.it just wasn't horrible.i got in here,my college.i took up table tennis more seriously,as individual sport is far easy to pursue.today, i'm placed in Infosys, no big deal allright,but not to be sneezed at either and i have repped my college in TT, Football..i have won my college podium finishes in a national level event...i have competed in the district championships..where i did not do too bad and if not for politics i probably would have represented ASN- DGP in the Sate trials.now do i regret that did not become the STAR i dreamt to be? no. i don't. not a bit.i had my dream intact. it just got modified in a logical way.yes, it hasn't been easy.there have been days where i just wanted to give up, smash my racquet, and have a joint to celebrate.but i've resisted, patiently waited for the phase to get over.i've walked 6 kms in the blazing sun thrice a week to my academy until now,where most others have been doing far more attractive things.yes, i made sacrifices, and i'm not exaggerating one bit, to keep my dream going,and i'm proud of it.Sport has made me who i am,it hs shaped me as an individual.yes, there's probably a couple of things in my life i wanted to pan out differently than it did, but its all good.
There's a long career ahead of me. a fresh start. i have to be good at what i do.be it my job or a management degree.and it will be my first priority. my dream will still be there with me, and i will keep on playing, trying to improve and get closer, to be a star... to the world? no...to myself.at the end of this 22 years of eventful life, i've figured out what i wan't...at the end of the day i wan't to be satisfied, happy.you don't really really make money for anything else,in the broader perspective.do i regret that i couldn't start off with a higher paycheque?...no, not anymore.yes, there will be days, when i might think on those lines, but i already have an answer.no again.i'll build from what i have.it has been a feature of my life, and so be it. now,when i ponder about the difference between dream and ambition,(and you might as well differ,of course), the answer doesn't look so hard,no?
NEVER LET GO OF YOUR DREAMS.IT MIGHT BE CRAZY, STUPID, BUT WELL, IF YOU WERE CRAZY AND STUPID ENOUGH TO DREAM IT ONE DAY, IN YOUR OWN CRAZY AND STUPID WAY YOU WILL FIND A WAY TO PROTECT IT TOO.IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.
Anyway, i'm bloggin again...atleast for a while. the last few days of anything where you have experienced constancy over a period of time makes you introspect.and i am no different.college life will be over in a little over a fortnight.it has been good, hectic at times,i don't really know how to put it.i guess college life has just been college life -- would be a good way to put it.i will write a post dedicated to my friends and so on once i am over with college so i'm not really going to cry here on how much i'm going to miss each one.nothing humans don't get used to.still, i believe i will cry pretty bad when i leave 225- my room at hostel and i won't be ashamed of it.lets get back to where i started.i remember my first post where i mentioned how i wanted to be a footballer and stuff.i stick to it.when i was in class 8 or 9 i pretty much realised that my dream of being a top notch sportsman would remain unfulfilled.in a small town such as asansol where there were absolutely no facilities or attitude to nurture this dream of mine,maybe i was a kid a tad bit too long.i had lots going on then already.those who know me well would know it.i am pretty used to dealing with things on my own,infact i'm pretty good at it.so i remember that fateful afternoon.i had to do the thinking part.i was going nowhere.i had screwed up my exams pretty bad.the semi annuals.and i wasn't going to become a sportsman either. haha . does sound funny right? well,i'll bet my ass it wasn't.i wasn't really good at anything else.so i sat down to think.i had two options.plain and simple.either play or start studying and forget that you were ever good at any sport.i chose the second.for a few days. as days wen't by i realised maybe i just loved the sport more than i wanted to be this ' Oliver Kahn ' of India. i made my decision.people living in towns, they quickly adapt,its an inborne quality.i realised i just had to play, not at the expense of studies,this time.so, i chose to soldier on,playing, as the opportunities presented itself,while focussing on my studies as much as i could.
Not a lot of people would say i did decent with my high school education.it just wasn't horrible.i got in here,my college.i took up table tennis more seriously,as individual sport is far easy to pursue.today, i'm placed in Infosys, no big deal allright,but not to be sneezed at either and i have repped my college in TT, Football..i have won my college podium finishes in a national level event...i have competed in the district championships..where i did not do too bad and if not for politics i probably would have represented ASN- DGP in the Sate trials.now do i regret that did not become the STAR i dreamt to be? no. i don't. not a bit.i had my dream intact. it just got modified in a logical way.yes, it hasn't been easy.there have been days where i just wanted to give up, smash my racquet, and have a joint to celebrate.but i've resisted, patiently waited for the phase to get over.i've walked 6 kms in the blazing sun thrice a week to my academy until now,where most others have been doing far more attractive things.yes, i made sacrifices, and i'm not exaggerating one bit, to keep my dream going,and i'm proud of it.Sport has made me who i am,it hs shaped me as an individual.yes, there's probably a couple of things in my life i wanted to pan out differently than it did, but its all good.
There's a long career ahead of me. a fresh start. i have to be good at what i do.be it my job or a management degree.and it will be my first priority. my dream will still be there with me, and i will keep on playing, trying to improve and get closer, to be a star... to the world? no...to myself.at the end of this 22 years of eventful life, i've figured out what i wan't...at the end of the day i wan't to be satisfied, happy.you don't really really make money for anything else,in the broader perspective.do i regret that i couldn't start off with a higher paycheque?...no, not anymore.yes, there will be days, when i might think on those lines, but i already have an answer.no again.i'll build from what i have.it has been a feature of my life, and so be it. now,when i ponder about the difference between dream and ambition,(and you might as well differ,of course), the answer doesn't look so hard,no?
NEVER LET GO OF YOUR DREAMS.IT MIGHT BE CRAZY, STUPID, BUT WELL, IF YOU WERE CRAZY AND STUPID ENOUGH TO DREAM IT ONE DAY, IN YOUR OWN CRAZY AND STUPID WAY YOU WILL FIND A WAY TO PROTECT IT TOO.IT'S NEVER TOO LATE.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Wish I Had a Reason.
It's the day my pillow got wet.....like really wet...and it wasn't the sweat out of my forehead, I swear.
Monday, March 5, 2012
PULU PULU WAH WAH....
here i am again...2am in the morning..jobless as ever, sitting and writing a post.Much to the irritation of a few of my friends, i have stopped writing, like, really.
As i approach to the almost penultimate full month of my college life,i can only sit back and gaze, as i was absently gazing at the green shaded wall of my room moments ago.Not so long ago,i remember typing a post about school,what it meant to me,how it shaped me as an individual and how much i missed it.And before i could really get over it and understand what the hell was going on,i've reached the twilight of my college life as well.It's strange.Time flies,or wait,it just doesn't fly,it rockets past us like a supersonic jet making it's presence felt long after it's gone. College,in all, has been just college. Neither good, nor bad.Hostel has been fantastic to me.All my friends there and very few localites.Thoughts have changed, so has my perceptions,of things,philosophies,people etc.I always maintained i was never going to miss college.I admit i was wrong.People have changed over the four years,so i thing it's almost human for me to make some false assumptions.College will be missed,big time.
looking back, the has been a sense of completion in college, barring the possibilty of course that i fail in any of my 8th semester subjects.People who i care about love me,good.Some hate me,even better.as far as sports is concerned i did what i could and i gave whatever i could to college.I've had ok grades.I have a not-to-be-sneezed-at job too.And few things,here and there.On a whole,if you aksed me,if i planned to do something more before i joined college i would say no.If college has changed any of my ideals,i would like to be an individual who makes a difference,in any respect,no matter how small it is.
people change.and they return to give you explantions about things for which apparently you don't care anymore.What college life has definately taught me,sometimes the hard way,is that much contrary to the general belief -- people will always tend to mistrust and doubt you, unless you provide them sufficient reason not to do so.My love life is a farce.Unless some pandora's box opens and i'm suddenly convinced,(here i am still leaving that slight hole for the ray of hope to pass through...i'm such a lousy douche), i think i'm totally ready to start with a clean slate and meet a lot of new people.for a self-obsessed human being like me,it's difficult to find a girl,unless she were a bit of a nutterhead too.
I'm feeling sleepy.It's just a couple of months more,then it's curtains to student life.Life has been life and it has come a long way.I'd like to think i've come full circle...and desperately, i want to tie up all the loose ends in whatever time left.No grudges, no carry on's...just wrap things up,keep the 22 years safely aside, and start on a new page.it's what i will be aiming to do.My next post will probably be when i'm at INFOSYS,blabbing shit about my boss.only time will tell.what are you looking at? GET LOST.
As i approach to the almost penultimate full month of my college life,i can only sit back and gaze, as i was absently gazing at the green shaded wall of my room moments ago.Not so long ago,i remember typing a post about school,what it meant to me,how it shaped me as an individual and how much i missed it.And before i could really get over it and understand what the hell was going on,i've reached the twilight of my college life as well.It's strange.Time flies,or wait,it just doesn't fly,it rockets past us like a supersonic jet making it's presence felt long after it's gone. College,in all, has been just college. Neither good, nor bad.Hostel has been fantastic to me.All my friends there and very few localites.Thoughts have changed, so has my perceptions,of things,philosophies,people etc.I always maintained i was never going to miss college.I admit i was wrong.People have changed over the four years,so i thing it's almost human for me to make some false assumptions.College will be missed,big time.
looking back, the has been a sense of completion in college, barring the possibilty of course that i fail in any of my 8th semester subjects.People who i care about love me,good.Some hate me,even better.as far as sports is concerned i did what i could and i gave whatever i could to college.I've had ok grades.I have a not-to-be-sneezed-at job too.And few things,here and there.On a whole,if you aksed me,if i planned to do something more before i joined college i would say no.If college has changed any of my ideals,i would like to be an individual who makes a difference,in any respect,no matter how small it is.
people change.and they return to give you explantions about things for which apparently you don't care anymore.What college life has definately taught me,sometimes the hard way,is that much contrary to the general belief -- people will always tend to mistrust and doubt you, unless you provide them sufficient reason not to do so.My love life is a farce.Unless some pandora's box opens and i'm suddenly convinced,(here i am still leaving that slight hole for the ray of hope to pass through...i'm such a lousy douche), i think i'm totally ready to start with a clean slate and meet a lot of new people.for a self-obsessed human being like me,it's difficult to find a girl,unless she were a bit of a nutterhead too.
I'm feeling sleepy.It's just a couple of months more,then it's curtains to student life.Life has been life and it has come a long way.I'd like to think i've come full circle...and desperately, i want to tie up all the loose ends in whatever time left.No grudges, no carry on's...just wrap things up,keep the 22 years safely aside, and start on a new page.it's what i will be aiming to do.My next post will probably be when i'm at INFOSYS,blabbing shit about my boss.only time will tell.what are you looking at? GET LOST.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
HAPPYNESS.
when i was in my first year,i watched this movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness'...it was a Will Smith masteract....the movie brought me close to tears,and ever since i have been wondering as to how good would i feel when i have a job...thankfully that fateful day came much quicker than i thought it would...9th September,2011 will be etched in my mind forever...if you are still guessing,then yes,i have a job now...INFOSYS LIMITED...i am placed in the first company that came to our college...it's still sinking in...
the last 15 days have been the best in my life...my campus recruitment process was sandwiched between the college table tennis and football tournaments...it was a big call...all my life people around me have castigated me for paying less attention to my studies and more to sports,so i did have that at the back of my mind that if i didn't manage the job and played in both the tournaments..i would be having a lot at stake...as it turned out,i did all three...i managed a job,i played well yet lost in football and i reached the semis in table tennis...its unbelievable.
i would not go into the critical analysis of my games...from whatever resources i had,i did the best i could...and self saisfaction is extremely important...now,having my vigour back is the hard part and i believe if i take a couple of weeks off,i will slowly have my hunger back again..
i have had a perfect college life...the script could not have been better...people love me,i repped my college in things i loved,i also got a job...i did everything i set out for..i am not satisfied,i want more,yes,but there's a sense of completion that i like...i have a darn good job..things haven't come easy my whole life,and i believe,i am beginning to prove myself,all the hard work,compromises,are paying off...
a long and hard struggle awaits me...and i would be spending the rest of my college life enriching myself,in all aspects...to go out of college as a perfect confident engineer....right now,i would take a week off...oh,yes,i forgot.the feeling was unbelievable when i had the job..i always thought i would cry,but tears don't come easy easy for me...it was numbing...suddenly to step into something with a such a huge perspective...anyway,the past fifteen days,challenging as it has been,has provided me with a new definition of happiness...
the last 15 days have been the best in my life...my campus recruitment process was sandwiched between the college table tennis and football tournaments...it was a big call...all my life people around me have castigated me for paying less attention to my studies and more to sports,so i did have that at the back of my mind that if i didn't manage the job and played in both the tournaments..i would be having a lot at stake...as it turned out,i did all three...i managed a job,i played well yet lost in football and i reached the semis in table tennis...its unbelievable.
i would not go into the critical analysis of my games...from whatever resources i had,i did the best i could...and self saisfaction is extremely important...now,having my vigour back is the hard part and i believe if i take a couple of weeks off,i will slowly have my hunger back again..
i have had a perfect college life...the script could not have been better...people love me,i repped my college in things i loved,i also got a job...i did everything i set out for..i am not satisfied,i want more,yes,but there's a sense of completion that i like...i have a darn good job..things haven't come easy my whole life,and i believe,i am beginning to prove myself,all the hard work,compromises,are paying off...
a long and hard struggle awaits me...and i would be spending the rest of my college life enriching myself,in all aspects...to go out of college as a perfect confident engineer....right now,i would take a week off...oh,yes,i forgot.the feeling was unbelievable when i had the job..i always thought i would cry,but tears don't come easy easy for me...it was numbing...suddenly to step into something with a such a huge perspective...anyway,the past fifteen days,challenging as it has been,has provided me with a new definition of happiness...
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Answers.....
i'm passing through the one of the most difficult phases of my life...and it's a lot better to jot things down than bother someone with my shit.....who would i bother anyway...the world doesn't care.
nevertheless,being from ICSE background,i always find it easier to jot things down pointwise..so here are the reasons---
1.my college sucks.even that would be an understatement...i mean i have lovely friends around me no doubt,but i've never cursed myself more for not doing my plus two in a more sysematic way...i hate my college.
2.my playing days,slowly but surely are coming to a sad end...all along,whenever i've felt sad,down,depressed i've picked up my football,or my paddle and i've just played...for hours....defying exhaustion...till,at the end i was satisfied,happy...sports has always meant a lot to me...point is,i'm messed up right now,of sorts,and i don't have time to fall back on sports...i don't know how to deal with this...it's a complete new territory for me...
3.it was and still is my dream to represent my college at my own college...the WBUT zonal table tennis is being hosted by my college and owing to my placements,(which seems a rumour anyway)...everything will go down the drain...i've always played because i've loved to play...but there's always a dream behind every passion...and my hard work for these couple of years is so easily slipping away...everyone tells me,it's just a game..well,to them FUCK YOU....get a passion,and you will understand....a job is an absolute necessity for me...and preparing well for a tournament requires a lot of systematic hard work,for which simply,i do not have time...if i could have cried,i would have.....Football to cherei dilam...because i fear,it will irritate me to a point that i might discontinue writing.
4.placements....i'm probably getting a bit hyper with this thing....but i know that at the end i should say 'i left no stone unturned'...it's a bit frusrating to see my friends from other colleges preparing for campus interviews while our college is sincerely oblivious to any such developments.i know i'm good enough.for once please for the love of god,let things not happen the hard way...
5.my romance....unmistakably,there's a resigned smile on my face right now...i love you...very much.but it's good we never hit off...because i don't think we are a right match anyway...due to various reasons....i've known this for so many years,but i refuse to believe it...unbelievably....and please for the love of god,don't give me....'we are good friends' and all that shit...we are special to each other,or wait...i don't know...you are special to me...but we aren't friends...we do nothing normal friends do...so thats it..people from pre-historic ages probably were asses like me,thinking like this...but i'm like this...so there's nothing i can do..i'm feeling your absence more than ever...but i will not say it to you....cause i know,at the very end,it's going to hurt both of us...i wish i could fall in love again,i want to...but it all somehow seems futile to me everytime.
well,that will be all...this is one of my worse posts,but i needed to say all this,to anybody,or writing,whatever.....i'm a final year student now...and the remaing eight months in college will decide a lot of things,it will give me answers to a lot of questions.
nevertheless,being from ICSE background,i always find it easier to jot things down pointwise..so here are the reasons---
1.my college sucks.even that would be an understatement...i mean i have lovely friends around me no doubt,but i've never cursed myself more for not doing my plus two in a more sysematic way...i hate my college.
2.my playing days,slowly but surely are coming to a sad end...all along,whenever i've felt sad,down,depressed i've picked up my football,or my paddle and i've just played...for hours....defying exhaustion...till,at the end i was satisfied,happy...sports has always meant a lot to me...point is,i'm messed up right now,of sorts,and i don't have time to fall back on sports...i don't know how to deal with this...it's a complete new territory for me...
3.it was and still is my dream to represent my college at my own college...the WBUT zonal table tennis is being hosted by my college and owing to my placements,(which seems a rumour anyway)...everything will go down the drain...i've always played because i've loved to play...but there's always a dream behind every passion...and my hard work for these couple of years is so easily slipping away...everyone tells me,it's just a game..well,to them FUCK YOU....get a passion,and you will understand....a job is an absolute necessity for me...and preparing well for a tournament requires a lot of systematic hard work,for which simply,i do not have time...if i could have cried,i would have.....Football to cherei dilam...because i fear,it will irritate me to a point that i might discontinue writing.
4.placements....i'm probably getting a bit hyper with this thing....but i know that at the end i should say 'i left no stone unturned'...it's a bit frusrating to see my friends from other colleges preparing for campus interviews while our college is sincerely oblivious to any such developments.i know i'm good enough.for once please for the love of god,let things not happen the hard way...
5.my romance....unmistakably,there's a resigned smile on my face right now...i love you...very much.but it's good we never hit off...because i don't think we are a right match anyway...due to various reasons....i've known this for so many years,but i refuse to believe it...unbelievably....and please for the love of god,don't give me....'we are good friends' and all that shit...we are special to each other,or wait...i don't know...you are special to me...but we aren't friends...we do nothing normal friends do...so thats it..people from pre-historic ages probably were asses like me,thinking like this...but i'm like this...so there's nothing i can do..i'm feeling your absence more than ever...but i will not say it to you....cause i know,at the very end,it's going to hurt both of us...i wish i could fall in love again,i want to...but it all somehow seems futile to me everytime.
well,that will be all...this is one of my worse posts,but i needed to say all this,to anybody,or writing,whatever.....i'm a final year student now...and the remaing eight months in college will decide a lot of things,it will give me answers to a lot of questions.
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