Answers.....

i'm passing through the one of the most difficult phases of my life...and it's a lot better to jot things down than bother someone with my shit.....who would i bother anyway...the world doesn't care.

nevertheless,being from ICSE background,i always find it easier to jot things down pointwise..so here are the reasons---

1.my college sucks.even that would be an understatement...i mean i have lovely friends around me no doubt,but i've never cursed myself more for not doing my plus two in a more sysematic way...i hate my college.

2.my playing days,slowly but surely are coming to a sad end...all along,whenever i've felt sad,down,depressed i've picked up my football,or my paddle and i've just played...for hours....defying exhaustion...till,at the end i was satisfied,happy...sports has always meant a lot to me...point is,i'm messed up right now,of sorts,and i don't have time to fall back on sports...i don't know how to deal with this...it's a complete new territory for me...

3.it was and still is my dream to represent my college at my own college...the WBUT zonal table tennis is being hosted by my college and owing to my placements,(which seems a rumour anyway)...everything will go down the drain...i've always played because i've loved to play...but there's always a dream behind every passion...and my hard work for these couple of years is so easily slipping away...everyone tells me,it's just a game..well,to them FUCK YOU....get a passion,and you will understand....a job is an absolute necessity for me...and preparing well for a tournament requires a lot of systematic hard work,for which simply,i do not have time...if i could have cried,i would have.....Football to cherei dilam...because i fear,it will irritate me to a point that i might discontinue writing.

4.placements....i'm probably getting a bit hyper with this thing....but i know that at the end i should say 'i left no stone unturned'...it's a bit frusrating to see my friends from other colleges preparing for campus interviews while our college is sincerely oblivious to any such developments.i know i'm good enough.for once please for the love of god,let things not happen the hard way...

5.my romance....unmistakably,there's a resigned smile on my face right now...i love you...very much.but it's good we never hit off...because i don't think we are a right match anyway...due to various reasons....i've known this for so many years,but i refuse to believe it...unbelievably....and please for the love of god,don't give me....'we are good friends' and all that shit...we are special to each other,or wait...i don't know...you are special to me...but we aren't friends...we do nothing normal friends do...so thats it..people from pre-historic ages probably were asses like me,thinking like this...but i'm like this...so there's nothing i can do..i'm feeling your absence more than ever...but i will not say it to you....cause i know,at the very end,it's going to hurt both of us...i wish i could fall in love again,i want to...but it all somehow seems futile to me everytime.




well,that will be all...this is one of my worse posts,but i needed to say all this,to anybody,or writing,whatever.....i'm a final year student now...and the remaing eight months in college will decide a lot of things,it will give me answers to a lot of questions.