HAPPYNESS.

when i was in my first year,i watched this movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness'...it was a Will Smith masteract....the movie brought me close to tears,and ever since i have been wondering as to how good would i feel when i have a job...thankfully that fateful day came much quicker than i thought it would...9th September,2011 will be etched in my mind forever...if you are still guessing,then yes,i have a job now...INFOSYS LIMITED...i am placed in the first company that came to our college...it's still sinking in...

the last 15 days have been the best in my life...my campus recruitment process was sandwiched between the college table tennis and football tournaments...it was a big call...all my life people around me have castigated me for paying less attention to my studies and more to sports,so i did have that at the back of my mind that if i didn't manage the job and played in both the tournaments..i would be having a lot at stake...as it turned out,i did all three...i managed a job,i played well yet lost in football and i reached the semis in table tennis...its unbelievable.

i would not go into the critical analysis of my games...from whatever resources i had,i did the best i could...and self saisfaction is extremely important...now,having my vigour back is the hard part and i believe if i take a couple of weeks off,i will slowly have my hunger back again..

i have had a perfect college life...the script could not have been better...people love me,i repped my college in things i loved,i also got a job...i did everything i set out for..i am not satisfied,i want more,yes,but there's a sense of completion that i like...i have a darn good job..things haven't come easy my whole life,and i believe,i am beginning to prove myself,all the hard work,compromises,are paying off...

a long and hard struggle awaits me...and i would be spending the rest of my college life enriching myself,in all aspects...to go out of college as a perfect confident engineer....right now,i would take a week off...oh,yes,i forgot.the feeling was unbelievable when i had the job..i always thought i would cry,but tears don't come easy easy for me...it was numbing...suddenly to step into something with a such a huge perspective...anyway,the past fifteen days,challenging as it has been,has provided me with a new definition of happiness...

Answers.....

i'm passing through the one of the most difficult phases of my life...and it's a lot better to jot things down than bother someone with my shit.....who would i bother anyway...the world doesn't care.

nevertheless,being from ICSE background,i always find it easier to jot things down pointwise..so here are the reasons---

1.my college sucks.even that would be an understatement...i mean i have lovely friends around me no doubt,but i've never cursed myself more for not doing my plus two in a more sysematic way...i hate my college.

2.my playing days,slowly but surely are coming to a sad end...all along,whenever i've felt sad,down,depressed i've picked up my football,or my paddle and i've just played...for hours....defying exhaustion...till,at the end i was satisfied,happy...sports has always meant a lot to me...point is,i'm messed up right now,of sorts,and i don't have time to fall back on sports...i don't know how to deal with this...it's a complete new territory for me...

3.it was and still is my dream to represent my college at my own college...the WBUT zonal table tennis is being hosted by my college and owing to my placements,(which seems a rumour anyway)...everything will go down the drain...i've always played because i've loved to play...but there's always a dream behind every passion...and my hard work for these couple of years is so easily slipping away...everyone tells me,it's just a game..well,to them FUCK YOU....get a passion,and you will understand....a job is an absolute necessity for me...and preparing well for a tournament requires a lot of systematic hard work,for which simply,i do not have time...if i could have cried,i would have.....Football to cherei dilam...because i fear,it will irritate me to a point that i might discontinue writing.

4.placements....i'm probably getting a bit hyper with this thing....but i know that at the end i should say 'i left no stone unturned'...it's a bit frusrating to see my friends from other colleges preparing for campus interviews while our college is sincerely oblivious to any such developments.i know i'm good enough.for once please for the love of god,let things not happen the hard way...

5.my romance....unmistakably,there's a resigned smile on my face right now...i love you...very much.but it's good we never hit off...because i don't think we are a right match anyway...due to various reasons....i've known this for so many years,but i refuse to believe it...unbelievably....and please for the love of god,don't give me....'we are good friends' and all that shit...we are special to each other,or wait...i don't know...you are special to me...but we aren't friends...we do nothing normal friends do...so thats it..people from pre-historic ages probably were asses like me,thinking like this...but i'm like this...so there's nothing i can do..i'm feeling your absence more than ever...but i will not say it to you....cause i know,at the very end,it's going to hurt both of us...i wish i could fall in love again,i want to...but it all somehow seems futile to me everytime.




well,that will be all...this is one of my worse posts,but i needed to say all this,to anybody,or writing,whatever.....i'm a final year student now...and the remaing eight months in college will decide a lot of things,it will give me answers to a lot of questions.

The Art Of Winning.

Funny,might seem an exaggeration….anyway,we all love to win,don’t we?...most certainly,we do.it’s that great feeling of being superior than the rest that drives us..and once we get the taste of victory we wan’t to taste it again and again…lance Armstrong says “sportsperson are always busy bulding an aura of invincibility around themselves and hence they show a certain contempt towards others”….perfectly said I think…it doesn’t count….they always look to win…not only sportsperson I think,every common man has new battles everyday,challenges we take up willingly in things we love doing…in my case probably a good game of football,or an insignificant tennis match…it doesn’t matter ….the most important thing I think,is how we accept loss or defeat or disappointment….it has to come,or else we are disillusioned…it’s best to just take your lesson and forget the defeat…easier said than done cause the bumps on your goal to invincibility will come back,more often than not,to haunt you…the more we lose,the more we learn how to cope with disappointments and the better position we are in to win….winning mentality is a big thing but coping with losses,setbacks and getting back to what you do with added experience and vigour is even bigger….when we go into doing something,competing with peers in our daily lives we should just quit thinking about defeating the other person and concentrate on winning or even,better enjoying what we do….complete ignorance doesn’t help…I said in the beginning ‘things we love doing’….so enjoyment should come with it….the moment we stop enjoying it we simultaneously lose the vigour and passion for victory and hence stalling improvement in the process.

Now the question comes,as to how I am suddenly writing,well my unseen readers,I remember having mentioned in my previous posts that I was going to concentrate on debate this semester.i did,and I won it…rather,we won it…target achieved.I had a great team to work with….it came way bit too easy,but victory is always sweet….invincibility is a big word…college has matured me….it really has…be it a tennis match or a debate,I don’t exult after a victory now outwardly as I don’t contemplate with a hung head after a loss….at the end of the day winning matters,but the very next morning the world is just the same as it was before and your probability of success and failure unmistakably shifts to normal balance again…and we start over…to prove ourself again…..so turns out we crave for victory just for that couple of hours of exultation…wrong…..we crave for a win to prove ourselves….to others?...probably not,more to our own selves…unmistakably,we mature enough to realize that one day……and a bunch of faggots would poop on this hogwash anyway….what the heck….