An Antique mind

I've been meaning to write for quite time now. Months, actually. Yet I haven't been able to bring myself up to the task. So much so, it topped my list of action items for consecutive weeks, until i saw the funnier side of it .I have been busy, not that much though.

I am not the sort of person who misses people everyday or hangs on to things for too long.I seem to have a world class formula for these sort of things. Some days, though the formula doesn't work.Those days, it's like cold turkey. It rips you apart,rends you heart.bares your mind to your feelings of fear, passion and of course no denying, love itself.But then the formula itself is too strong, there is no getting out of it. Even on one of these days, it controls you, like an invisible force. What do I make of these days?

There are so many things I want to write about, things which I care about, socially, personally, in some ways, professionally too. There are changes about these things,which,of course I am incapable of bringing about.The helplessness kills you.Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I had a smaller head.

I have read books,watched,heard true stories.My heroes have inspired me to carry on with my life.I am guessing their biggest quality has been to hang in there. Stick to your shit, work on your principles, make a difference and hang in there.It does more than you think.Then maybe you got a fable, which can be told in the end. In an antique land.

In the meantime, scribbling about it, just feeds your ego, makes no fucking difference. And that's why I loathe to write.

Somethings gotta give

I was reading the interview of this top, top tennis player few days back. I don't remember the exact quotes but it was something like, " What drives you, year after year, season after season, when you know you have nothing else left to prove? "

"Nothing, just that I enjoy doing what I do. One morning i might wake up, thinking this isn't exactly what i am enjoying right now. A few of such mornings and you know that sooner or later something's gotta give. And yes, you always have something to prove, if not anybody, then yourself."

The only constant thing in my little life has been the fact that I love to play. I am not even half decent, yet everyday in my life till now, I would go out to the field or a court with an aim, to prove myself to myself. There would be bad , bad days, but even then the sense of fulfillment would consume me. I'd wake up looking forward to something every time.  

You don't have to be a champion to be passionate. Yes I'm talking about Jay Barauchel in Million Dollar Baby. What matters is if you're true to yourself and if it matters to you.

 I have been very very fortunate to have had so many different kinds of people around me who have shared my passion. I never gave much thought to it before, but every one of them have helped me grow as a person. So I guess they deserve a big Thank You.

It's been more than eight months now, for so many reasons, this portion of my life has been almost taken away. There's waking up with nothing to prove, nothing to look forward to for which you cannot wait.

Something's gotta give        

Moments

" Don't take risks when you the last man with the ball !! " -  I shouted to Siddharth Bhaiya , also known more as 'Mata' due to his allegiance to Chelsea and mostly his admiration for Juan Mata. Juan might have changed colors but the name remained. The ball was duly passed back to me and I cleared it, following the trajectory of the ball. Ideally, you should be following the ball to where it lands finally. However while it was in mid air something else caught my attention...

We were in certain village called Golapally, some fifty kilometers away from my residence here in Hyderabad. The Infosys Football team was participating in a tournament as a preparation for ITSAP, which, as I have been told was easily the most prestigious sports event in the corporate calendar. We were playing against Microsoft. The ground was situated right beside the runaway of the Rajiv Gandhi International Airport. It was lush green all around. Seemed to be right off the face of earth.

.......it was an Emirates Aircraft. I drifted away. An overflow of emotions. Dreams. The sunny mornings at St. Patrick's. People you love. Life ahead. Journey till now. Mistakes made. A different world. Unfulfilled wishes. Dreams again. It was a fleeting moment. It's difficult to articulate all the emotions at one go. Don't get me me wrong. I don't have a thing with the middle east. It could have been almost anything else. Anyway...

We played extremely well and won comfortably. Turned out to be more of an uncomfortable bike trip with heavy kits and all than anything else. Life is all about moments to be savored. Good or bad. Appropriate or inappropriate. Relevant or irrelevant. The good ones stimulate you so that you end up with more like them. Ideally, The bad ones 'should' too, for their own reasons. Then there are moments, which are just moments. You have a hard time figuring out if it falls under any of the categories. Face covered in soot, ready to collapse as I returned home, I was glad I had another one of those.


...Oh, we can be heroes just for one day....