PULU PULU WAH WAH....

here i am again...2am in the morning..jobless as ever, sitting and writing a post.Much to the irritation of a few of my friends, i have stopped writing, like, really.

As i approach to the almost penultimate full month of my college life,i can only sit back and gaze, as i was absently gazing at the green shaded wall of my room moments ago.Not so long ago,i remember typing a post about school,what it meant to me,how it shaped me as an individual and how much i missed it.And before i could really get over it and understand what the hell was going on,i've reached the twilight of my college life as well.It's strange.Time flies,or wait,it just doesn't fly,it rockets past us like a supersonic jet making it's presence felt long after it's gone. College,in all, has been just college. Neither good, nor bad.Hostel has been fantastic to me.All my friends there and very few localites.Thoughts have changed, so has my perceptions,of things,philosophies,people etc.I always maintained i was never going to miss college.I admit i was wrong.People have changed over the four years,so i thing it's almost human for me to make some false assumptions.College will be missed,big time.

looking back, the has been a sense of completion in college, barring the possibilty of course that i fail in any of my 8th semester subjects.People who i care about love me,good.Some hate me,even better.as far as sports is concerned i did what i could and i gave whatever i could to college.I've had ok grades.I have a not-to-be-sneezed-at job too.And few things,here and there.On a whole,if you aksed me,if i planned to do something more before i joined college i would say no.If college has changed any of my ideals,i would like to be an individual who makes a difference,in any respect,no matter how small it is.

people change.and they return to give you explantions about things for which apparently you don't care anymore.What college life has definately taught me,sometimes the hard way,is that much contrary to the general belief -- people will always tend to mistrust and doubt you, unless you provide them sufficient reason not to do so.My love life is a farce.Unless some pandora's box opens and i'm suddenly convinced,(here i am still leaving that slight hole for the ray of hope to pass through...i'm such a lousy douche), i think i'm totally ready to start with a clean slate and meet a lot of new people.for a self-obsessed human being like me,it's difficult to find a girl,unless she were a bit of a nutterhead too.

I'm feeling sleepy.It's just a couple of months more,then it's curtains to student life.Life has been life and it has come a long way.I'd like to think i've come full circle...and desperately, i want to tie up all the loose ends in whatever time left.No grudges, no carry on's...just wrap things up,keep the 22 years safely aside, and start on a new page.it's what i will be aiming to do.My next post will probably be when i'm at INFOSYS,blabbing shit about my boss.only time will tell.what are you looking at? GET LOST.

Stop kidding yourself.

this has to stop. this just has to stop. no, not all over again.

HAPPYNESS.

when i was in my first year,i watched this movie 'The Pursuit of Happyness'...it was a Will Smith masteract....the movie brought me close to tears,and ever since i have been wondering as to how good would i feel when i have a job...thankfully that fateful day came much quicker than i thought it would...9th September,2011 will be etched in my mind forever...if you are still guessing,then yes,i have a job now...INFOSYS LIMITED...i am placed in the first company that came to our college...it's still sinking in...

the last 15 days have been the best in my life...my campus recruitment process was sandwiched between the college table tennis and football tournaments...it was a big call...all my life people around me have castigated me for paying less attention to my studies and more to sports,so i did have that at the back of my mind that if i didn't manage the job and played in both the tournaments..i would be having a lot at stake...as it turned out,i did all three...i managed a job,i played well yet lost in football and i reached the semis in table tennis...its unbelievable.

i would not go into the critical analysis of my games...from whatever resources i had,i did the best i could...and self saisfaction is extremely important...now,having my vigour back is the hard part and i believe if i take a couple of weeks off,i will slowly have my hunger back again..

i have had a perfect college life...the script could not have been better...people love me,i repped my college in things i loved,i also got a job...i did everything i set out for..i am not satisfied,i want more,yes,but there's a sense of completion that i like...i have a darn good job..things haven't come easy my whole life,and i believe,i am beginning to prove myself,all the hard work,compromises,are paying off...

a long and hard struggle awaits me...and i would be spending the rest of my college life enriching myself,in all aspects...to go out of college as a perfect confident engineer....right now,i would take a week off...oh,yes,i forgot.the feeling was unbelievable when i had the job..i always thought i would cry,but tears don't come easy easy for me...it was numbing...suddenly to step into something with a such a huge perspective...anyway,the past fifteen days,challenging as it has been,has provided me with a new definition of happiness...

Answers.....

i'm passing through the one of the most difficult phases of my life...and it's a lot better to jot things down than bother someone with my shit.....who would i bother anyway...the world doesn't care.

nevertheless,being from ICSE background,i always find it easier to jot things down pointwise..so here are the reasons---

1.my college sucks.even that would be an understatement...i mean i have lovely friends around me no doubt,but i've never cursed myself more for not doing my plus two in a more sysematic way...i hate my college.

2.my playing days,slowly but surely are coming to a sad end...all along,whenever i've felt sad,down,depressed i've picked up my football,or my paddle and i've just played...for hours....defying exhaustion...till,at the end i was satisfied,happy...sports has always meant a lot to me...point is,i'm messed up right now,of sorts,and i don't have time to fall back on sports...i don't know how to deal with this...it's a complete new territory for me...

3.it was and still is my dream to represent my college at my own college...the WBUT zonal table tennis is being hosted by my college and owing to my placements,(which seems a rumour anyway)...everything will go down the drain...i've always played because i've loved to play...but there's always a dream behind every passion...and my hard work for these couple of years is so easily slipping away...everyone tells me,it's just a game..well,to them FUCK YOU....get a passion,and you will understand....a job is an absolute necessity for me...and preparing well for a tournament requires a lot of systematic hard work,for which simply,i do not have time...if i could have cried,i would have.....Football to cherei dilam...because i fear,it will irritate me to a point that i might discontinue writing.

4.placements....i'm probably getting a bit hyper with this thing....but i know that at the end i should say 'i left no stone unturned'...it's a bit frusrating to see my friends from other colleges preparing for campus interviews while our college is sincerely oblivious to any such developments.i know i'm good enough.for once please for the love of god,let things not happen the hard way...

5.my romance....unmistakably,there's a resigned smile on my face right now...i love you...very much.but it's good we never hit off...because i don't think we are a right match anyway...due to various reasons....i've known this for so many years,but i refuse to believe it...unbelievably....and please for the love of god,don't give me....'we are good friends' and all that shit...we are special to each other,or wait...i don't know...you are special to me...but we aren't friends...we do nothing normal friends do...so thats it..people from pre-historic ages probably were asses like me,thinking like this...but i'm like this...so there's nothing i can do..i'm feeling your absence more than ever...but i will not say it to you....cause i know,at the very end,it's going to hurt both of us...i wish i could fall in love again,i want to...but it all somehow seems futile to me everytime.




well,that will be all...this is one of my worse posts,but i needed to say all this,to anybody,or writing,whatever.....i'm a final year student now...and the remaing eight months in college will decide a lot of things,it will give me answers to a lot of questions.

The Art Of Winning.

Funny,might seem an exaggeration….anyway,we all love to win,don’t we?...most certainly,we do.it’s that great feeling of being superior than the rest that drives us..and once we get the taste of victory we wan’t to taste it again and again…lance Armstrong says “sportsperson are always busy bulding an aura of invincibility around themselves and hence they show a certain contempt towards others”….perfectly said I think…it doesn’t count….they always look to win…not only sportsperson I think,every common man has new battles everyday,challenges we take up willingly in things we love doing…in my case probably a good game of football,or an insignificant tennis match…it doesn’t matter ….the most important thing I think,is how we accept loss or defeat or disappointment….it has to come,or else we are disillusioned…it’s best to just take your lesson and forget the defeat…easier said than done cause the bumps on your goal to invincibility will come back,more often than not,to haunt you…the more we lose,the more we learn how to cope with disappointments and the better position we are in to win….winning mentality is a big thing but coping with losses,setbacks and getting back to what you do with added experience and vigour is even bigger….when we go into doing something,competing with peers in our daily lives we should just quit thinking about defeating the other person and concentrate on winning or even,better enjoying what we do….complete ignorance doesn’t help…I said in the beginning ‘things we love doing’….so enjoyment should come with it….the moment we stop enjoying it we simultaneously lose the vigour and passion for victory and hence stalling improvement in the process.

Now the question comes,as to how I am suddenly writing,well my unseen readers,I remember having mentioned in my previous posts that I was going to concentrate on debate this semester.i did,and I won it…rather,we won it…target achieved.I had a great team to work with….it came way bit too easy,but victory is always sweet….invincibility is a big word…college has matured me….it really has…be it a tennis match or a debate,I don’t exult after a victory now outwardly as I don’t contemplate with a hung head after a loss….at the end of the day winning matters,but the very next morning the world is just the same as it was before and your probability of success and failure unmistakably shifts to normal balance again…and we start over…to prove ourself again…..so turns out we crave for victory just for that couple of hours of exultation…wrong…..we crave for a win to prove ourselves….to others?...probably not,more to our own selves…unmistakably,we mature enough to realize that one day……and a bunch of faggots would poop on this hogwash anyway….what the heck….

bla bla blah 2..

there's something i forgot to mention in my last post....being really glad the way things have gone this semester...a large part if it goes to the fact that scars have healed between friends...atleast some part of it...close ones in hostel...never mind about college...i never really wanted a rift...i guess no one does....but ego plays it's bad part i suppose...save one person who has chosen to distance himself from our group....i don't really care,not anymore...he's making a mistake....girls' presence does complicate things....he's going to be succesful....god...i really hope so...and so are we...a couple of years later or so...but he will someday realise that this is not exactly something he really wanted.....i hope he reads this.....but i am least bothered as of now......true.
'harry potter and the deathly hallows part 1'...i had a nutty thought that i was going to wait for the 2nd part to release next july and watch them together....but 89 cinemas has worked wonders...it should be an awesome watch....united and wigan face off today...am glad it's a home game....we've already drawn more than last season and unless chelsea persistently keep screwing up as of last 2 weeks,chances look bleak....for one time screw you,cristiano....for the way you reacted....it was an super unbelievableohmygodhecan'tdothis piece of skill...but at that pace i guess nani just wanted to make sure it was at the back of the net...and didn't he play well the entire match....anyway,it's semester time again....and time for my bloody alarm clock to get active.....good luck to all....

bla bla bla blah..

i really loathe to write.but i will anyway.the semester has been good.less classes,more sport.less class,more importantly.representing my college and year in table tennis and football....IIT trip for the same reason...i have accomplished almost everything i wanted or everything i could in this zero support,zero interested college where sports is concerned.next semester i would concentrate on debate...somehow or the other i fail to participate in the debate competitions in college.i talked about my goals in a previous post during college...while i have achieved three of them,the fourth and most important one remains,getting a job.and i guess now i am going to work towards that.

i don't really wan't to study after this.money is sweetest.i know that.no one can talk me out of this.money ain't everything,but without it,life is nothing....so this coming 12 months is crucial for me,how i take things.i have found no luck with girls...but thats allright really..i am moving on...that is a great thing...finally i've realised i've achieved things that i loved doing in college without anyone,so i'm pretty sure i'll manage myself fine now....but i love you...that fact remains.it's just that i accept that it's not meant to be and so i move on...

good luck to united and england,nothing much more about them.....that's all....i'm gutted to write any further....