City of Joy.

I always wondered, rather foolishly, when I was not so much a kid, as to what took artists so long to finish a piece of art or a writer to finish writing a book.Now, when it takes me so much effort just to type a totally inconsequential piece of shit, as I'm about to do now, you realize why. Anyway, it's just another evening where I have developed a general distaste in doing things which generally keep me busy, so what the hell.

I've been travelling to the City of Joy on weekends for almost 6 months now. A lot of travelling alone and listening to country music ( Well, I did listen to an occasional Mohit Chauhan too, but country really goes with the mood here...:D ) while on the highway a midst the setting sun where I thought about everything from Romance to Global Warming . Another harrowing trip back home on the Coalfield Express.3 straight hours outside it's toilet.A brilliant and enriching few months of Table Tennis with my coach, and one of my college seniors, for a few months in a club at Howrah.I am not much of the 'Lets hang out' type unless it's really close people,and I have been fortunate enough to have few of them in Kolkata right now.So rare quality time,was spent there too. An almost fatal fall from an Auto while rushing back from practice to the Howrah station for The Last Train Home( the song is on repeat now).Watching Priyanka Chopra from close while she was shooting some oh, what the hell movie.And my CAT classes, where I did make a few friends and went in hungover,more than once.I have had some brilliant teachers, but more on that on my next post.I did go visit a few landmarks on my own but limited cash forced me to curb my roamer instincts.That situation, should relatively improve in the next few months though.

And there has been so many other diverse incidents as well, most of which I cannot recall.Somehow, people always associate the Bong Nostalgia with Kolkata. I always thought it was a bit unfair and though there are so many things that really are mindless and baffling about the city and it's people, it really is a city with heart.Though,if God ever gave me a choice to choose my birth town for my next 50 lives, I would go on and choose Asansol each time over Kolkata. Asansol has taught me things and has made me more complete as an individual than Kolkata ever could have.I can say that confidently now.On my 51st choice though, I would probably opt for Manchester, England or Anshan City, China.Time flies.I have never really been a big career planner.When I started off on my weekend trips, I thought it would never end.But it has, and as always,I have found out a few more of the infinite dimensions of life.That is how,however,I would like to judge myself.The problem often does not lie in the fact that we don't get what we want.At some level,mostly,we get exactly what we want.That's where we lose the plot.  

Confession.

My late grandfather was an armchair palmist. When I was a kid, on my mom's persistence he would always take my right hand to try predict my future, and I would sit, dreamy eyed, listening to him, though I thought he was lousy at the whole palmistry thing, big time.I don't remember much, but my mom always decided enough was enough when he started predicting every time without fail that I would have multiple marriages.

Now when I come to think about it, I realise maybe he wasn't that bad at it as I thought he was.I really do have a thing for women who are taken. Now, that is common all right, But there's a catch somewhere I'm not sure of. That is worrying. But inherently I know there are many, many like me, if they are being honest with themselves!

Nick Vujicic

" I love life. You know so many people come and say, How come you smile so much? And I'm like, well , it's a long story. " ( grins )


It has been difficult 8 months. A lot of self introspection, getting back a few good habits after four undergraduate years is what it has all been about. Waiting so long to get started with your professional career is an un-envious situation to be in though. But I'm a lot calmer now.

I realised how unthankful I've been after watching this clip. Of course it's not the first motivational piece I've come across, but I felt I should post this here just for me to refer back. We are all blessed, there is no such thing as optimism and pessimism in daily life, a friend of mine once said, he was right, it's much more than daily life. We have to lead our life as it comes, get into phases, come out of phases and be thankful and smile. Disappointments , Success mean something, but we're too insignificant in this universe individually to think it's beyond that. It's like Joseph Heller pointed out in his satirical War novel Catch-22 about a man's reflection moments before his death -- " In the end it's all about a city and a woman."

Slow Death

As a kid, I was always fascinated by the mason's work. I grew up in a sub - urban neighbourhood before shifting to our apartment before high school.As a result,I would always have constructions going on all around my place.So, a better part of my childhood was spent playing ' Chor Police' with our toy guns in those ' under construction ' houses.I would often stand and marvel at the Chief mason's or as is referred in Bengali, the Rajmistry's work. The way they took the cement mixture and applied it around bricks, and then used their skill to finish up the curves so immaculately,always fascinated me.I had absolutely no doubt back then, that one day I would grow up to be a Rajmistry.

Then of course, the stupid thing called growing up happens.As it happened, I went to our apartment's rooftop yesterday to catch some sun. A building is under construction right beside our apartment.I never really paid much attention to it.Few people were working there,finishing up the sunshade of a room on the 3rd floor.I stood and watched for a moment.No, don't 'awwww' me.I wasn't gripped by nostalgia.I just wondered how unremarkable their work and life was, to the whole world.I,myself, respect and value everything they do, but sadly, I wan't marvelled.Then, of course, with a shrug,I walked away.

I immediately recalled the last scene in the movie ' Hurtlocker ', where Jeremy Renner, the war Vet explained to his infant kid.I don't remember the exact words.But the whole gist of it went something like this -- " As a kid, you may love a lot of things, but as you grow up, a lot of those things don't seem so special any more, and when you are of my age, maybe it's just one or two things that's left." The kid did not understand a word, and how would he,because if he did,a part of him would die.

Miles to go before I sleep.

One of my Dad's ex-colleagues recently visited our place. He retired from Office work about 5-6 years back. He falls among those category of people, who, you do not have to work too hard to like. About his life, well, he is unfortunate enough not to be blessed with any children. He used to work in a decent position in Dad's office, so, lets just say, he is more than just stable,financially. He loves to travel and using his resources, he has managed to travel to many, many countries spread over all five continents. From the Taj Mahal, to the African Jungles, to the culturally rich Europe, to the Amazon rainforests, he has been everywhere. No kidding.

If I had to visit any one country in the world, it would be Italy. Apart from the obvious reasons, I have no idea why. Anyway, coming back.With Internet access, all you need to do is type relevant things, and you would be on an almost virtual tour of any place on Earth. Anyway, I always believe, like so many others, that there is no substitute to listening about stories narrated by somebody right in front of you. So, after listening about various incidents and experiences for almost an hour, he said something, which really stayed with me. Here it goes, -- " I've been to so many, so many remote corners of the earth because I love to travel. What travelling a lot does to you is that it kills your pride. We human beings, everyone of us has varying degrees of vanity amongst ourselves. When you travel so much, so many lands, so many people, lifestyles, you actually realise how small and insignificant you are, when compared to the vastness of the planet, not literally. It makes you humble. Humility nowadays is becoming a cult virtue, which it ideally should not be. "

I've travelled too little due to a lot of valid reasons, but the lines got me thinking. He was right of course. I don't know what life has in store for me, or how things will pan out in the future. I've been sitting on my fat ass for months now, but if I have resources and opportunity as life progresses, I will certainly try and cover as many miles as I can, to vanquish my own pride, and know mother Earth, bit by bit. Willpower would be a non - issue.

An embodiment of shamelessness.

Of all the examinations I have appeared in my life, CAT 2012 would be unique. Most of the exams I have appeared in, the primary objective has been to give my best. To score maximum marks so that it somehow augurs well for my career. However CAT 2013, which is six days away would be one of it's kind. My primary objective for this exam would be to avert disaster to prevent a social backlash.( No, I haven't been reading about Jason Bourne recently.I totally mean the meaning it means. ) Now, if I manage that, I will have enough confidence to think about preparing seriously for next year.

Yes, GATE 2011 and 2012 were quite similar, with a small yet significant difference. I was in college then, so I was too proud to even consider a social backlash, which indirectly did affect my attempts of disaster prevention. I don't deserve anything, you Allmighty. The funny part is, a part of me does not regret it. With time. With time. An embodiment of shamelessness.

Endorphins.

If someone scrolls down my list of blog posts, they would soon lose interest.I mean, how long would you tolerate someone who's incessantly talking about trying to get better at things? Anyway, I believe it has a reason. Writing about these things acts as a big motivational tool for me.No matter how much you love doing something, periods come when you need a push.And my post is again treading on familiar territory.The path was never supposed to be easy.

I've become a recluse. Socially. I don't know how many Bengalis are there, who don't feel elated during Durga Pujas, the biggest festival in our region.I am one of them. DP is always meant to be fun, going out with friends,rating girls,having junk food, maybe liking someone in the Puja mandap ( as they show magnificently in the coca cola ad),getting drunk ( which is an absolute necessity for so many) and so on.But, over the last few years, it didn't seem to matter much. Infact, over the last couple of years, if i had to jot down a list of things which really mattered, it would be really short.Unconditional love.Never a myth. Trust me.

The challenge was always to become unique and make a difference.Not consciously.I have a natural aversion in thinking about things the normal,or should i say, the popular way. Yet, i always believe a large part of being unique lies in commonness itself. " I would rather feel pain than nothing at all. " -- it's one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite songs.

Worldly issues. Is Julian Assange going to stay in house arrest forever? Is Roger Federer going to be assasinated? How did Goldman Sachs cause the food crisis? yeah, right.I have views.so? nobody gives a rats ass if you can't contribute to a cause or change things. Plain awareness does not help. That is what they don't tell you. It's as good as being an ignorant fool.Life isn't supposed to be this way.Freedom is way too much overrated.

Ample proof of a muddled up mind.Cold Turkey without heroin? Shoot.Maybe I'm unique after all.