Nick Vujicic

" I love life. You know so many people come and say, How come you smile so much? And I'm like, well , it's a long story. " ( grins )


It has been difficult 8 months. A lot of self introspection, getting back a few good habits after four undergraduate years is what it has all been about. Waiting so long to get started with your professional career is an un-envious situation to be in though. But I'm a lot calmer now.

I realised how unthankful I've been after watching this clip. Of course it's not the first motivational piece I've come across, but I felt I should post this here just for me to refer back. We are all blessed, there is no such thing as optimism and pessimism in daily life, a friend of mine once said, he was right, it's much more than daily life. We have to lead our life as it comes, get into phases, come out of phases and be thankful and smile. Disappointments , Success mean something, but we're too insignificant in this universe individually to think it's beyond that. It's like Joseph Heller pointed out in his satirical War novel Catch-22 about a man's reflection moments before his death -- " In the end it's all about a city and a woman."

Slow Death

As a kid, I was always fascinated by the mason's work. I grew up in a sub - urban neighbourhood before shifting to our apartment before high school.As a result,I would always have constructions going on all around my place.So, a better part of my childhood was spent playing ' Chor Police' with our toy guns in those ' under construction ' houses.I would often stand and marvel at the Chief mason's or as is referred in Bengali, the Rajmistry's work. The way they took the cement mixture and applied it around bricks, and then used their skill to finish up the curves so immaculately,always fascinated me.I had absolutely no doubt back then, that one day I would grow up to be a Rajmistry.

Then of course, the stupid thing called growing up happens.As it happened, I went to our apartment's rooftop yesterday to catch some sun. A building is under construction right beside our apartment.I never really paid much attention to it.Few people were working there,finishing up the sunshade of a room on the 3rd floor.I stood and watched for a moment.No, don't 'awwww' me.I wasn't gripped by nostalgia.I just wondered how unremarkable their work and life was, to the whole world.I,myself, respect and value everything they do, but sadly, I wan't marvelled.Then, of course, with a shrug,I walked away.

I immediately recalled the last scene in the movie ' Hurtlocker ', where Jeremy Renner, the war Vet explained to his infant kid.I don't remember the exact words.But the whole gist of it went something like this -- " As a kid, you may love a lot of things, but as you grow up, a lot of those things don't seem so special any more, and when you are of my age, maybe it's just one or two things that's left." The kid did not understand a word, and how would he,because if he did,a part of him would die.

Miles to go before I sleep.

One of my Dad's ex-colleagues recently visited our place. He retired from Office work about 5-6 years back. He falls among those category of people, who, you do not have to work too hard to like. About his life, well, he is unfortunate enough not to be blessed with any children. He used to work in a decent position in Dad's office, so, lets just say, he is more than just stable,financially. He loves to travel and using his resources, he has managed to travel to many, many countries spread over all five continents. From the Taj Mahal, to the African Jungles, to the culturally rich Europe, to the Amazon rainforests, he has been everywhere. No kidding.

If I had to visit any one country in the world, it would be Italy. Apart from the obvious reasons, I have no idea why. Anyway, coming back.With Internet access, all you need to do is type relevant things, and you would be on an almost virtual tour of any place on Earth. Anyway, I always believe, like so many others, that there is no substitute to listening about stories narrated by somebody right in front of you. So, after listening about various incidents and experiences for almost an hour, he said something, which really stayed with me. Here it goes, -- " I've been to so many, so many remote corners of the earth because I love to travel. What travelling a lot does to you is that it kills your pride. We human beings, everyone of us has varying degrees of vanity amongst ourselves. When you travel so much, so many lands, so many people, lifestyles, you actually realise how small and insignificant you are, when compared to the vastness of the planet, not literally. It makes you humble. Humility nowadays is becoming a cult virtue, which it ideally should not be. "

I've travelled too little due to a lot of valid reasons, but the lines got me thinking. He was right of course. I don't know what life has in store for me, or how things will pan out in the future. I've been sitting on my fat ass for months now, but if I have resources and opportunity as life progresses, I will certainly try and cover as many miles as I can, to vanquish my own pride, and know mother Earth, bit by bit. Willpower would be a non - issue.

An embodiment of shamelessness.

Of all the examinations I have appeared in my life, CAT 2012 would be unique. Most of the exams I have appeared in, the primary objective has been to give my best. To score maximum marks so that it somehow augurs well for my career. However CAT 2013, which is six days away would be one of it's kind. My primary objective for this exam would be to avert disaster to prevent a social backlash.( No, I haven't been reading about Jason Bourne recently.I totally mean the meaning it means. ) Now, if I manage that, I will have enough confidence to think about preparing seriously for next year.

Yes, GATE 2011 and 2012 were quite similar, with a small yet significant difference. I was in college then, so I was too proud to even consider a social backlash, which indirectly did affect my attempts of disaster prevention. I don't deserve anything, you Allmighty. The funny part is, a part of me does not regret it. With time. With time. An embodiment of shamelessness.

Endorphins.

If someone scrolls down my list of blog posts, they would soon lose interest.I mean, how long would you tolerate someone who's incessantly talking about trying to get better at things? Anyway, I believe it has a reason. Writing about these things acts as a big motivational tool for me.No matter how much you love doing something, periods come when you need a push.And my post is again treading on familiar territory.The path was never supposed to be easy.

I've become a recluse. Socially. I don't know how many Bengalis are there, who don't feel elated during Durga Pujas, the biggest festival in our region.I am one of them. DP is always meant to be fun, going out with friends,rating girls,having junk food, maybe liking someone in the Puja mandap ( as they show magnificently in the coca cola ad),getting drunk ( which is an absolute necessity for so many) and so on.But, over the last few years, it didn't seem to matter much. Infact, over the last couple of years, if i had to jot down a list of things which really mattered, it would be really short.Unconditional love.Never a myth. Trust me.

The challenge was always to become unique and make a difference.Not consciously.I have a natural aversion in thinking about things the normal,or should i say, the popular way. Yet, i always believe a large part of being unique lies in commonness itself. " I would rather feel pain than nothing at all. " -- it's one of my favourite lines from one of my favourite songs.

Worldly issues. Is Julian Assange going to stay in house arrest forever? Is Roger Federer going to be assasinated? How did Goldman Sachs cause the food crisis? yeah, right.I have views.so? nobody gives a rats ass if you can't contribute to a cause or change things. Plain awareness does not help. That is what they don't tell you. It's as good as being an ignorant fool.Life isn't supposed to be this way.Freedom is way too much overrated.

Ample proof of a muddled up mind.Cold Turkey without heroin? Shoot.Maybe I'm unique after all.

Futility.

Yesterday was the Annul Prize distribution ceremony of the Asansol Sub Divisional Sports Association. I attended it after a long, long, time. It was in a pretty bad state before, and it has duly maintained its standards. However the funny part is, no matter how bad state the ASDSA is, no matter how much our demands remain unanswered, our State ministers, whichever, political party, ( the last time I was there CPM was in control ), invariably make it to the occasion, some don't,obviously though. As you watch these ministers dressed in thier dhoti - panjabi's or suits, and the boys and girls, vast majority of who are from the semi - urban parts of our town, some incredibly talented, but unaware of the fact, you just begin to realise again how the terms ' Scouting talents ' or ' Youth Developments ' are still misnomers in India on a broader perspective. It makes me, sad, really sad, though in a few months, I would not have anything to do with it. I remember the last time I attended this, I was entering my adolescence, and I had a huge row with mom regarding how I would dress myself up for the occasion. So, as I was approaching towards the dais yesterday, (wearing my regular tracks, and a funk college T- shirt having the words " I only give negative feedback " boldly imprinted infront, hahaha!, and I was pretty sure I was the worst dressed person in the hall) to collect my runner up medal towards the impeccably dressed  whoever minister, it was nonchalance redefined for me.


I have plans. It would be stupid talking about them now, but I do have them in place all right.

changes aren't good or bad, they are just changes.

Listening to the band,watching the children, and thinking of Tariq -- missing the boy already -- I remembered an incident from the prison. In that other world within a world, back then, I moved into a new prison cell and discovered a tiny mouse there. The creature entered through a cracked air vent, and crept into the cell every night. Patience and obsessional focus are the gems we mine in the tunnels of prison, solitude. Using them and tiny morsels of food, I bribed the little mouse, over several weeks, and eventually trained it to eat from the edge of my hand. When the prison guards moved me from that cell in a routine rotation, I told the new tenant-- a prisoner I thought I knew well -- about the trained mouse. On the morning after the move, he invited me to see the mouse. He'd captured the trusting creature, and crucified it, face down on a cross made from a broken ruler.He laughed as he told me how the mouse had struggled when he'd tied it by its neck to the cross within the cotton thread. He marvelled at how long it had taken to drive thumbtacks into its wriggling paws.

Are we ever justified in what we do? That question ruined my sleep for a long time after I saw the tortured little mouse. When we act, even with the best of intentions, when we interfere with the world, we always risk a new disaster that mightn't be of our making, but that wouldn't occur without our action. Some of the worst wrongs, Karla once said,  were caused by people who tried to change things.